Permission to Feel

Permission to Feel

Jaclyn Mansfield, Christy Gorman & Glen McKay

We are excited to share some information with you regarding a Hood School Community Book study on a timely topic. In September and October, members of the J. Turner Hood School professional community, as well as parents, joined each other virtually to read and discuss Permission to Feel written by Marc Brackett. This work outlines a practical evidence-based approach to managing our emotions. Brackett, a professor at Yale University’s Child Study Center and the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, makes a persuasive case that our feelings aren’t impediments, but provide important information that can change our lives for the better – when we give ourselves permission to feel them.

Given the school status of our population, we felt that our students, staff and families have all been through alot recently as we grapple with the outcomes from the global pandemic. We wanted to connect this work with the idea that we could all benefit from the work Mr. Brackett has conducted into the roots of emotional well-being and his prescription for healthy children (as well as their parents, teachers, and schools).

As we read through the book we learned of Brackett’s system with the acronym of RULER.  This acronym has been shown to reduce stress and burnout, improve school climate, and enhance academic achievement.

The acronym is made up of five emotional intelligence skills. The first three—Recognizing, Understanding, and Labeling—help us to accurately identify and decode what individuals are feeling. The two remaining skills—Expressing and Regulating—tell us how to manage those emotions to achieve desired goals. Here is a summary each of these skills:

Recognizing emotions in oneself and others. This is not just in the things we think, feel, and say, but our facial expressions, body language, vocal tones, and other nonverbal signals that provide the first clues that something important is happening. We can recognize the occurrence of an emotion by noticing a change in our own thoughts, energy, or body, or in someone else’s facial expression, body language or voice.

Understanding the causes and consequences of emotion. We need to understand those feelings and determine their source. It’s important to remember and identify the cause of emotions and see how they influence our thoughts and decisions. This helps us make better predictions about our own thoughts and more informed choices about our behaviors.

Labeling emotions with precise words. Labeling refers to making connections between an emotional experience and precise, nuanced terms used to describe it. People with a more developed feelings vocabulary can differentiate among related emotions such as pleased, happy, elated, and ecstatic. Labeling emotions accurately increases self-awareness, helps us to communicate emotion more effectively, and reduces misunderstandings in social interactions.

Expressing emotions, taking context and culture into consideration. By expressing our feelings in accordance with cultural norms and social contexts, we can inform and invite empathy from listeners. Being skilled in expressing emotions means knowing how and when to display our emotions, depending on the setting, the people we’re with, and the larger social context. People who are skilled in this area understand unspoken rules for emotional expression (called “display rules") and express what they feel and modify their behavior accordingly.

Regulating emotions effectively to achieve goals and well-being.  It’s important to learn to regulate our emotions rather than let them regulate us. There are practical strategies for dealing with what individuals are feeling. Regulating involves monitoring, tempering, and modifying emotional reactions in helpful ways, in order to reach personal and professional goals. This doesn’t mean ignoring inconvenient emotions but rather learning to accept and deal with them as they come up. People with this skill are able to use these strategies to manage their own emotions and help others with theirs.

We certainly found this work informative and have elected to explore its implementation further. We have selected multiple follow-up steps including the implementation of several recommended strategies inclusive of : The Mood Meter, defining and utilizing Meta-Moments, building a tiered feeling vocabulary, and a site visit to a local district that has implemented the learned strategies as a means to gain a deeper understanding of the RULER approach.

Thank you to everyone that participated in this meaningful activity.